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Losing my mother unexpectedly has led to numerous instances where I’ve longed to reach out, wishing to engage in conversations and exchange thoughts about the experiences I encounter in my day.

For instance, after a challenging day at work, I often find myself yearning to inquire of my mom, “How on earth did you manage to find the energy to work night shifts as a nurse, all while being an active and caring mother during the day?”

Moreover, as I mix up a batch of Friday night martinis, memories from my childhood come flooding back, where I cherished the way my mother’s voice would become tender after she enjoyed a martini. Though we never had the chance to share one together, I can’t help but wish I could dial her number and suggest, “How about I come over with my cocktail shaker and a selection of olives?”

It’s only after a loved one has passed away that we realize all the questions we wished we would have asked

It’s only in the wake of a loved one’s passing that we become acutely aware of the many unasked questions we harbor in our hearts.

Since the unexpected loss of my mother, there have been countless instances where I’ve longed to connect with her, to share and inquire about life’s moments that arise in my daily experiences.

After enduring a particularly challenging day at work, I find myself yearning to ask my mom, “How did you manage to summon the energy to work night shifts as a nurse while still being an engaged and caring mother during the day?”

And when I mix up a batch of Friday night martinis, I’m reminded of how, as a child, I admired the way my mother’s voice would soften after enjoying a martini. Although we never had one together, I find myself wishing I could reach out and suggest, “How about I swing by with my shaker and a few olives, and we enjoy a martini together?”

Losing my mother unexpectedly has brought about numerous moments when I’ve yearned to reach out, prompted by questions arising from my daily experiences. In these instances, I would have cherished the opportunity to compare notes with her.

Following the unexpected loss of my mother, there have been countless moments when I’ve longed to reach out with questions stemming from the occurrences of my day, yearning for the chance to share and exchange insights with her.

For instance, after a taxing day at work, I often find myself wishing I could ask my mom, “How in the world did you manage to summon the energy to work night shifts as a nurse, allowing you to be an active and devoted mother during the day?”

Moreover, as I mix up a batch of Friday night martinis, I’m reminded of my childhood when I cherished the way my mother’s voice would soften after enjoying a martini. Although we never had the opportunity to share one together, I can’t help but wish I could reach out and propose, “How about I swing by with my cocktail shaker and some olives, and we enjoy a martini together?”

…After a tough day at work, I wish I could ask my mom, “How in the world did you find the energy to work nights as a nurse so that you could be an active mom during the day?”

…When mixing up a batch of Friday night martinis, I remember as a child I loved how my mom’s voice would become soft after she had a martini. We never had one together. I wish I could pick up the phone now and ask, “How about I drop by with my shaker and some olives?”

…As I began to establish myself in the working world, my mother would express her anticipation for the day when I would treat her to a truly special mother-daughter vacation. She never specified a particular destination. When I contemplate the places on my bucket list, I deeply wish I could ask her now, “Where would you have preferred me to go, carrying your memory with me?”

As I come across Halloween costumes in the store, it stirs memories of the countless hours my mother dedicated to sewing a princess costume for me. In a poignant moment, I find myself pondering, “Did it ever pain you when I favored the devil costume you crafted for my brother more than the one you made for me?”

I had the privilege of spending more years with my father, and now, it’s not so much questions that I yearn to ask, but rather those instances where I admired his confidence, and I wish we could discuss his emotions during those times.

For instance, driving past a house where a neighbor is riding his John Deere brings back a vivid memory of my dad on his riding lawn mower, with a cigar in his mouth and the family toy poodle nestled in his arms. The cautious adult in me is tempted to inquire, “Did you ever entertain the thought, even for a moment, that it might be slightly risky to mow on the hilly side of the yard?”

Turning on the A/C in my car triggers a recollection of a summer vacation when we traversed Death Valley at night due to our old Plymouth Fury’s lack of air conditioning. It leads me to wonder, “Did you have any concerns about our destination as we embarked on that solitary night’s drive?”

Additionally, my father and I had the privilege of sharing some wonderful moments while trout fishing in the serene Adirondack streams. Recently, while strolling on the beach and witnessing a father imparting surf rod techniques to his children, I found myself wishing I could ask my dad, “Did you realize just how deeply I cherished each of those days spent wading in streams alongside you?”

These may not be profound or philosophical questions. I’m not delving into any profound family mysteries. Instead, these questions revolve around the love we shared and how these cherished memories continue to resonate in my life today.

…When I activate the A/C in my car, I’m instantly transported back to a vivid memory of a summer vacation when we drove through Death Valley at night. We did so because our old Plymouth Fury lacked air conditioning. This memory prompts me to ponder, “Were you ever concerned about our destination as we embarked on that solitary night’s drive through the desert?”

Additionally, my father and I had the privilege of sharing some splendid moments while trout fishing in the refreshing Adirondack streams. Recently, as I walked along the beach and witnessed a father teaching his children how to cast a surf rod, I found myself yearning to ask my dad, “Did you realize just how deeply I cherished each of those days spent wading in streams alongside you?”

While these questions may not delve into profound philosophical inquiries, they reflect the love we shared and how these cherished memories continue to resonate in my life today.

e were going as we set out on that lonely night’s drive?”

…My dad and I got to spend some wonderful time trout fishing in cool Adirondack streams. As I walked on the beach the other day past a father showing his kids how to cast a surf rod, it made me wish I could ask my dad, “Did you know just how much I treasured each of those days that I waded in streams alongside you?”

None of these are deep, philosophical questions. I am not probing any great family mysteries. Mostly the questions reflect the love we shared and how the memories touch my life today.

If it’s been some time since you last reached out to a loved one, now is a wonderful moment to pick up the phone and reconnect. Share with them the little ways they’ve influenced your life, and perhaps, ask a question or two. Your outreach can bring warmth and meaning to your relationship.

Reflecting on the past, it’s often in the aftermath of losing a loved one that we recognize the multitude of unanswered questions residing in our hearts.

Since my mother’s unexpected passing, there have been countless moments when I’ve yearned to connect with her, to share and seek insights on the everyday experiences that unfold in my life.

Following a challenging day at work, I often find myself longing to pose a question to my mom: “How did you manage to summon the energy to work night shifts as a nurse, all while being an actively engaged and nurturing mother during the day?”

And as I prepare a batch of Friday night martinis, I’m transported back to my childhood, reminiscing about how much I admired the way my mother’s voice would soften after enjoying a martini. Even though we never shared one together, I can’t help but wish I could reach out and propose, “How about I drop by with my cocktail shaker and a selection of olives, so we can savor a martini together?”

The loss of my mother has brought forth numerous instances where I’ve longed to reach out with questions arising from my daily experiences, moments where I would have cherished the opportunity to compare notes with her.

For instance, on those trying days at work, I find myself yearning to ask my mom, “How on earth did you find the energy to work night shifts as a nurse, all while being a devoted and active mother during the day?”

Likewise, while I’m in the process of mixing up a batch of Friday night martinis, fond memories resurface from my childhood when I admired how my mother’s voice would soften after enjoying a martini. Although we never had the chance to share one together, I can’t help but wish I could pick up the phone and suggest, “How about I come over with my shaker and some olives?”

As I think of it, I never got to have a martini with my father either…

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R.A. Kroft writes about her day-to-day journey in living a smaller, more sustainable life and other topics that interest her.

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Conscious Living

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